Everybody Loves Opal

Opal Kronkie, a middle-aged recluse, lives in a tumbledown mansion

at the edge of the municipal dump. The general disarray of her

establishment is aggravated by the fact that Opal collects things-

anything that can be toted home in her little red wagon. Opal is also an

optimist, for no matter how mean her lot-or her "friends"-Opal

responds with unfailing kindness and an abiding faith in the goodness

of human nature. Into her rather strange world comes Gloria, Bradford,

and Solomon, three purveyors of bogus perfume on the lam from the

authorities. Opal's menage is the perfect hideout-and Opal, herself,

might be the remedy for their shattered finances. They decide that

what she needs is plenty of insurance, a rapid demise, and three

beneficiaries named Gloria, Bradford, and Solomon. Attempted

murder wouldn't seem to be funny, but in Mr. Patrick's magic hands it

is uproarious. The unsavory trio concoct an elaborate scheme to drop

the ceiling on Opal's unsuspecting head-but she is in the cellar at the

time; they try to drug her and set the house on fire-but Opal's state

trooper friend arrives at the wrong (or right) moment; a plan for a "hit

and run" accident backfires. Through it all, Opal radiates kindness,

affection and, strangely enough, gratitude. But the real clincher comes

at the end. It seems that there was plenty of money around all the time;

bags, barrels, and mooseheads full of it, in fact, and any friend of Opal's

is welcome to as much as he wants. All they had to do was ask.