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The Greatest Footballer Never to Have Played Football. Carlos Kaiser was a truly remarkable footballer. From the early '80s to the late '90s he was on the books with many of the top teams in Rio de Janeiro and even travelled to Europe for one season, signing with Sardinian side, Ajaccio. During this time he called some of the world football's greatest stars his friends. He played with the stars, partied with the stars. But aside from the playboy lifestyle, what made Kaiser particularly remarkable? During his twenty year career he barely kicked a football. He was, in essence, a complete fraud ... and truly terrible at football.