Sorry You're Poor!

The perfect gift for the crypto bro, finance guy, trader, or investor who already has everything.

What do you buy the guy who has the watch, wants the Lambo, checks Bitcoin before checking the weather, and still reminds everyone about the coin he told them to buy five years ago?

You buy him this.

I Told You to Buy Crypto! is a ridiculously illustrated coffee-table book celebrating crypto wins, terrible financial decisions, absurd wealth, and the unmatched satisfaction of telling your friends, "I told you so."

From Bitcoin, Ethereum and Solana to XRP, Dogecoin and some coins that probably shouldn't exist in the first place, every page turns cryptocurrency into an outrageous rhyme and an even more outrageous flex.

Mansions. Private jets. Submarines. Exotic animals. A ski resort. A cloned dog. And enough unnecessary luxury purchases to make a financial advisor physically uncomfortable.

There are no charts to study.

No trading strategies to memorize.

And definitely no financial advice.

Just crypto humor for people who survived the dips, watched the charts, argued about tokens, bought things they probably shouldn't have-and somehow lived to tell everyone about it.

A hilarious gift for crypto lovers, Bitcoin investors, traders, finance guys, HODLers, degens, and that impossible-to-shop-for friend who already buys himself everything.

Give it as a birthday gift, Christmas gift, Secret Santa gift, White Elephant gift, office gift-or leave it on the coffee table as evidence that being right is sometimes more fun than being humble.

Because money can't buy happiness.

But apparently it can buy a submarine.