The Room You Are Standing In

You have the invitation. It is in three days. Nobody has told you what any of it means.

Most guides to this territory are organised by topic, which is no use at all when what you actually have is a country weekend, a members' club, a school open day, a board meeting in Seoul or a funeral where the will is about to be read.

This one is organised by situation. Twenty three chapters, each walking you through one occasion from before you arrive to after you leave: what to bring, when to turn up, what is expected, what gives people away, and what to do when it goes wrong. The private club. The wedding. The gala and the paddle raise. The saleroom. Business in Tokyo, Mumbai and the Gulf. The conversation with your children about money, and the one with your partner.

It is specific about times, objects, wording and money. It says where the answer changes by country instead of dressing a London convention as a universal law. And where a convention is arbitrary or snobbish or simply dead, it says so, because a rule you have decided to ignore is better than a rule you are obeying blind.

Written for the person who has just arrived in a room they were not raised in, and for anyone who has been in that room for years and is tired of guessing.

Companion to Old Money, New Money, which explains why any of these conventions exist.